Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Spent.

Sigh...

I haven't been feeling very motivated this week, hence my 2-day hiatus. I'm sure you all missed me terribly ;). Aside from feeling less than inspired, I am swamped! Like, when did I get so busy doing so many things for other people, but still having trouble figuring out what to do for/about myself??? How did this even happen? Oh, I know, I've thrown myself into so many projects hoping that's where I would find all the missing components in my life: friends, fun, inspiration, creativity....

Sigh...

My entire life amounts to a bunch of disconnected plans in my iPhone calendar. My brain will not even put forth the effort to remember what's on my plate anymore. But what sense does it make that I am exhausted and over extended AND unhappy. I am at a loss. I feel like I have followed the formula, positive attitude + perseverance - self-doubt + volunteering and giving back = success! Right? Okay I lied. The positive attitude is not always a part of my equation and neither is the elimination of self doubt. But I tell you what, I am working a full time job, a part time (remote) job, volunteering for two separate theatre organizations, and trying to fit in time for my personal relationships and my personal health.

Sigh...

I am also dealing with some superficial issues. I have been reluctant to speak about it due to embarrassment, though I feel that my experience could be comforting and a subject for those who have experienced something similar to find solace in. I recently, as in October 11th, hopped on the ombre train...MISTAKE. It was beautiful for maaaaybe 3 days, and then my hair started to feel like straw and would break if it thought someone was going to think about touching. I ignored it for a few days, but then while I was washing it CLUMPS would fall out. I'm talking the floor of my shower looked like two girls got in a street fight. It was alarming to say the least. Now, I knew my hair was very reluctant to respond well to any chemical treatment. But shoooooot, girlfriend had hang time, couldn't tell me nothin'. I dealt with a similar nightmare back in 2008-2009 when my hair decided that it was going to fall out in protest of my choice to get a relaxer. So chopped it, and went back to my natural roots. Fast forward to September 2013 my hair was longer and healthier than it had been since I was about 10 years old. Then I thought "YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE IT BETTER?!". Yep. I thought hopping on this overly abused trend (no offense, I still think its pretty when it works out) was just the obvious choice. Couldn't have been more wrong. In a little over two months, I have gone from relatively healthy hair falling to about the middle of my back to unhealthy strands that fall a little below my shoulders. And while I'm constantly treating it and seeing my stylist. The chop is inevitable, and I cringe at how fast it all happened. I try to see the bigger picture, but not only am I embarrassed that my poor decision resulted this way, but also that something so superficial has me crying myself to sleep at night (sadly this isn't an exaggeration).

Sigh...

I'm just so tired in so many ways, and I feel like 2013 has been some  sort of endurance test. Is this the third installment of The Hunger Games?! Because if that's the case, where is my baller wardrobe team? I want Lenny Kravitz at my service, stat. Seriously though, I'm still alive, so I guess I'm passing said test, but I won't lie and say that I don't get discouraged from time to time all of the time. I know this is not uplifting reading material, but these are the impromptu twenty-something, melodramatic rants I promised. At the very least, I hope it's relatable. 

Sigh...

My birthday is next week, followed by my favorite holiday of ALL TIME and I don't  have a countdown in my phone for either! If you follow my Insta, you know a girl loves a good countdown. Who have I become?! Thanksgiving is one of the reasons I wake up in the morning, and I'm not excited. I'm. Just. Tired.

Sigh.

At least it's Thursday eve.

2 comments:

  1. you are beautiful no matter how long your hair is darling :) Miss you!

    ReplyDelete